Arrghhhh....

The difference is only 0.08 and that was not even close to 1.But why does it matter so much????? Why are you soooooo into it??????i hate it.damn it

A little bit about myself..

The truth is I dont really revealed myself in my previous post but this time around i felt like doing so,so I uploaded all these photo from the past..

This is when we had our annual dinner previously at Swiss Garden Hotel,believe me the food which they served on that night was magnificient indeed..

And so this is the photo from back then when i was a year old i supposed and this is the only remaining,left over from the fire which caught my house  two years ago... 

This is when i studied in pusat asasi sains Universit Malaya,it is a photo,a moment which i treasured the most..I met great people,great friends,and I fall in love with them..I miss u guys..

Its too late already

Well you only need the light when it's burning low 
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow 
Only know you love her when you let her go 
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low 
Only hate the road when you're missing home 
Only know you love her when you let her go 
And you let her go 

Staring at the bottom of your glass 
Hoping one day you'll make a dream last 
But dreams come slow and they go so fast 
You see her when you close your eyes 
Maybe one day you'll understand why 
Everything you touch surely dies 

But you only need the light when it's burning low 
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow 
Only know you love her when you let her go 
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low 
Only hate the road when you're missing home 
Only know you love her when you let her go 

Staring at the ceiling in the dark 
Same old empty feeling in your heart 
'Cause love comes slow and it goes so fast 
Well you see her when you fall asleep 
But never to touch and never to keep 
'Cause you loved her too much and you dive too deep 

Well you only need the light when it's burning low 
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow 
Only know you love her when you let her go 
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low 
Only hate the road when you're missing home 
Only know you love her when you let her go 
And you let her go 
Oh oh oh no 
And you let her go 
Oh oh oh no 
Well you let her go 

'Cause you only need the light when it's burning low 
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow 
Only know you love her when you let her go 
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low 
Only hate the road when you're missing home 
Only know you love her when you let her go 

'Cause you only need the light when it's burning low 
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow 
Only know you love her when you let her go 
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low 
Only hate the road when you're missing home 
Only know you love her when you let her go 
And you let her go

*yes,its the song,passenger,let her go,but it really is something,u only appreciated it after u lost it..

My 23rd birthday

So its 28th march 2014.And yesterday was my birthday.But it was a dull on and I suppose it was the most dull birthday  i've ever had for the past 23 years of my life. But I care for nothing. I'm not expecting anything from those particular persons around me. It was not the same as it used to be. They are not the people whom I treasure and cherish for. Thats just the way it is. Things doesnt work well for me.Just so you know I dont blame you guys. I am a nuisance after all.But like I said,I care for nothing. I just wanted to finish off my degree and leave this place very soon. By the way,with this i'm officially 23.I supposed i was more matured than i used to be. Life really teaches you a great lesson. You've got friends all around you but you hardly have any companion. If you are good at telling jokes,then people will definitely love you.If you are a rich one you dont have to think twice before you spends your penny on something. If you are beautiful,you tend to show it off,even in the slightest manner,even if you dont wanna to you still have that thought once in a while.Am i right?That is just natural.Most people do that,even me,sometimes. Don't lie to yourself and don't deny ur rights. If you've worked hard and put your fullest effort onto something,do rewards yourself after that. If the other person neither make you happy nor appreciate yourself,then you do it yourself. Give yourself a little appraisal and appreciation. You deserved it. And as for me,I always stand on my belief. I'm fairly a reasonable person.Sorry if I hurts u but i;m not gonna let it slide just like that if you are being unfair. The least things i copuld have done is condemning you deep in my heart. I can't also tolerate people who are not sensitive to the surroundings,just do things the way they wanted to ignoring other people's feelings.
I would better stop now.Dont wanna make it too long.Happy birthday to me.May I grow up to become a useful person and faithful servant to you my Lord Ya Allah..

L.O.N.E.L.Y

being surrounded with wrong people made me feel so lonely indeed :(

H.U.R.T

I was hurt.again n again.i tried no to get myself into it but i always end up hurting myself.But i wont give up.I dont want to.I believe the day will eventually come where a friend will walk into my life and together we walked our path in the journey embarking our life,,

#more prayers,less worries#

Somebody that i used to know

This song really caught me off~~

"Somebody That I Used To Know"
(feat. Kimbra)

[Gotye:]
Now and then I think of when we were together
Like when you said you felt so happy you could die
Told myself that you were right for me
But felt so lonely in your company
But that was love and it's an ache I still remember

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
Like resignation to the end, always the end
So when we found that we could not make sense
Well you said that we would still be friends
But I'll admit that I was glad it was over

But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
No you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know

Now you're just somebody that I used to know
Now you're just somebody that I used to know

[Kimbra:]
Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over
But had me believing it was always something that I'd done
But I don't wanna live that way
Reading into every word you say
You said that you could let it go
And I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know

[Gotye:]
But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
No you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know

[x2]
Somebody
(I used to know)
Somebody
(Now you're just somebody that I used to know)

(I used to know)
(That I used to know)
(I used to know)
Somebody

why do i keep looking back at my past?

simply because it is the only things which matters me the most and i really treasured it as it cherished me all along..
it is too beautiful,,life back then was so beautiful,,i had no regret at all,,


as for the time being pls be strong even when your world is tearing you apart

i 'm not there when they need me the most
i'm not there when my house burned down during a fire
i'm not there when my parents get involved in a car accident
i'm not there during the worst part of our life
i'm sorry for that
but I do really love you mom,dad,,
I love my family with my whole heart~~

Exams,Dengue,Thesis and Me,,

I'm really glad indeed that it is finally over.I just hope that all the hardworks is worthy enough.And pls just let it ends here.I dont wanna be a repeater.Not to any of these subjects and courses I'm taking.You have made me suffered enough for the past few months and suffocate me that i couldn't even breathe freely.Now that it is over I can woke up in the morning and smiling all over.Felt like its been ages since i last felt like this.I dont believe i've actually made it,Trust me this is the worst chapter in my life.Having friends infected with dengue during the exams with some of them were even warded really scares you off,having thought that the same mosquitos which infect ur friends would be lingering in the same house and that they might bite you anytime without you even knowing it,.and suddenly the forest in Indonesia get into a fire which is massive(this is not an accident,the fire is on purpose) that it brings haze to the whole malaysia and made the air even worsen,,thats what it takes me after all before i can actually become a 4th year student.

Now that the exams is over i've been thinking of doing a looott of things which i misssed before.
I'm gonna cook,read novels,and eat good food with my family,I would want to hang out with friends and family n i would wanted to go to a place where i could actually shout out loud and screams to the whole world.Maybe the top of a hill?maybe i would go deep into the forest and shout out loud and let the mother earth itself hears what i says.but it does seems impossible.lol.where on earth in the midst of KL would i find  a forest.So let keep it for future list.

I'm getting excited after i choose the topics for my thesis eventhough i dont have even the slightest clue what my thesis is all about.Psychophysiologic interaction between two highly significantly activated areas (areas A and C in brain) duirng randomised visual stimulation.Basically it is fMRI (functional MRI).And the rest is still in haze.Just like how KL is still shrouded in haze.But it does get better today.And let us all getter better tomorrow.I'm positive.I"m done.:)

My bad~~

I'm a complicated person.complicated in a way that i'm sensitive to the surrounding,the people around me and often afraid of what others might think of me.I'm very particular about small little things that others might not even have a glance over it.Its not that i'm fussy but i believe that every single deed can affect people and how they feel.I do believe that even the smallest bit of sincerity can move people.As long as u are sincere enough everything is just nice be it good or bad things.But i often find myself insincere enough at a time there are things which annoyed me very much indeed but i keep it to myself ,up to a certain level that i;m no longer sincere to that particularly person.In other words,its fake.But of course i tried very much indeed to actually avoid such kind of things from lingering around me.Yes,that's me,,that's the way i am..

Sebuah nasihat untuk diingati~~

Hatimu itu milik Allah. Maka segala kesedihan, kesakitan dan kepiluan yang dirasakan oleh hati, pulangkanlah kepada Allah, kerana sesungguhnya hanya Dialah yang Maha Menyembuhkan segala yang kau rasa itu.

Pulangkan kembali hatimu kepada Dia, pasti tidak akan engkau kecewa dan terluka lagi.

Erti hidup pada memberi. Selagi masih bernyawa, jadilah insan yang bermanfaat, yang mampu menyumbang meskipun sedikit.

Wahai Pemilik segala kekuatan, kurniakanlah kekuatan agar dapat melangsaikan segala amanah yang ditaklifkan. Berikanlah keupayaan untuk melayani dan memberi perhatian serta memenuhi hak yang sewajarnya terhadap setiap perkara yang mendatang.

Terimalah amal-amal kami ini, meski sedikit dan penuh dengan cacat dan celanya. Rabbi yassir wala tua'ssir

Biar sesakit mana hati dilukai,
Biar sebenci mana kebencian diberikan,
Biar sekuat mana tuduhan dilemparkan,
Biar sebanyak mana kata-kata dusta diberikan.

~ Hati ini tetap tegar berkata niatku adalah kerana Allah semata-mata dalam memberikan tiap-tiap satu perkerjaanku dan matlamatku adalah untuk syurga bersama mereka ~


~♥♥..Tiba-tiba, aku berasa TAKUT jika hidupku ini hanya dipenuhi dengan sia-sia..aku takut jika MATI nanti dalam PENYESALAN, kerana akal fikiran asyik mengatakan bahawa mati itu lama lagi dan kita hanya memikirkan diri kita yang masih muda dan sihat..walhal Allah jika ingin MENGAMBIL, bila-bila masa sahaja dari sekarang..♥♥~

✿~ Mengapa kita MENCINTAI dunia lebih dari akhirat?
✿~ Mengapa kita mencintai manusia lebih dari Allah?
✿~ Mengapa kita asyik memikirkan PENGORBANAN kekasih hati dan kawan-kawan, tetapi tidak berfikir langsung tetang PENDERITAAN Rasulullah yang berkorban demi umatnya hingga ke akhir hayat beliau?

>>> Ya Allah, sesungguhnya aku MENZALIMI diriku sendiri..:(



~~copypaste~~

Lesson of the day

         It is my second clinical in one of the hospital in KL at the radiotherapy department.and there is this one patient which kind of attract me and moved me as well.He was coughing badly for about 3 to 4 weeks.By the time he came to se the doctor,he was diagnosed with lung cancer and he came for the treatment.Patient is indeed very concern about his disease.He kept asking this and that to the radiographer nonstop.I would say that he was really like a serious one of all the patient.He is very anxious and yet he keep it up and give his very best of all.It was during his 2^nd fraction that he was complaining he is having a bloody cough,which he had never had before.He looks very healthy indeed despite the palliative treatment(treatment for end stage disease aiming to prolong the life span and not for cure) he is receiving.The patient himself told us that he jogs more than twice per week and he is practising healthy life style yet the disease still choose him.His mother had a colonic cancer after all.He asked the radiographer on whether he got the disease as her mother had it too,is it inheritance?.But then the radiographer told him that colon cancer is not an inheritable disease so it is just a coincidence.Besides,he used to be a social smoker less that 10 years ago and had stopped since then.He even asked the radiographer on his chances of survival.But as a radiographer we couldnt have said much.It is inappropriate if we were to tell the patient even if we knew.So the radiographer just told him briefly and asked him to consult the doctor.But of course he looks very worried indeed.He tried his best to fight the disease.The radiographer told him to practise a proper diet throughout the treatment and he needs to drink a lot of plain water.He is very truthful,obeying every single orders fron the health practisioner, that he even bring his mineral bottle every single day(when there is no other patient doing it at all) during the treatment and he asked on how much does exactly he need to drink.is it this much?or that much?of course he don’t have to force himself.Just drink it slowly and take it easy.Thats what the radiographer told him.During the earlier treatment he was indeed very anxious that the doctor had again to consult him for the second time.He is also indeed the first and the earliest patient to enter the hospital every single morning.Seing him fighting for his life I wonder why do we give up our life so easily?There is just too many people outhere fighting for the sake of their life when we people take life for granted and most of all take our health for granted.Yes of course it is true that cancer can just affect anyone regardless of your gender,age,health status,and such.Being you young or old cancer knows no borders and limits.They can just affect anyone.Even the newborn.So the point is that don’t take life for granted,spend time fruitfully and make ur life meaningful and do take care of your health.Most of all,as a muslim,live ur life for the sake of Allah,so that even if u have to die anytime u will have no regret.

*this is gonna become my case study..:)

Nothing in me except YOU

This feeling.i was unable to describe it.That kind of feeling when u actually felt that God answers ur prayers and He is actually speaking to you..Speak with u in a way that it will directly strike ur heart,leaving those kind of  "kehambaan" feeling there.And upon that moment the tears burst out all the way down the cheek,uncontrollable,running down and pouring as was the heavy rain.He is just too Great and He is truly The Greatest.i felt very weak indeed.very guilty.Pls keep me in the right track my Lord,,,

if it is my fault you tell me

These past two years, i suppose i changed, i realize people were’nt the same and i just stop talking to them and they did the same.they talk to me,I talk to them only when there is a need.its very heart broken indeed but I’m just getting used to it that much that I don’t even have any feeling towards them anymore.i just stop talking to them and stop being talkative just because I’m sick of them.i’m sick of how they actually being so ignorant or am I the one who is too sensitive?u cook and u left the pot there unwashed for like days,weeks and even months.u left the plate,bowl unwashed in the sink,on the table,with the left over food remained on the table.u just did ur own stuff and never bother to sweep the house not even once.okay u did it.but I can barely counts how many times u swept the floor.u rarely wash the toilet.i remembered once only u washed the toilet.the rest is done by mine.i put my effort on washing the verandah and u simply litter it like nothing is wrong.it is okay at first.i don’t mind.but as the time passes by I lost my patience.How can I simply did all the cleaning while u guys just watched from a distance and become nothing more than just an observer.Is it that hard to even lend me a hand?we are living in the same house after all..

I’m sick of this and I’m really sick of it.I just let them be.Fine,let the floor left unswept.Let the bowls,and the pot be there until all the fungi grows on them.But that’s not the reality.I always cook and when they left the pot unwashed there I have no other choice but to wash it cause I’m gonna use it!in the end it is still me who did the cleaning.I left the floor unswept but when it comes to a point I can barely stand still and watched the dirty floor I eventually did the cleaning and mopping.In the end it’s me.I’m just sick of it.What shall I do people out there?tell me something that will soothe me.I don’t want to be a bad person who talk about their friends behind but I guess I just did so.am I  a bad person?i just lost my patience and I just don’t know how to cope with this.I am at my limit.Thats it.

 And now i only talk to the people i see everyday, cause i would’nt want to look so lonely but i am. 
Everyday i go to classes, in the mornings i sit by myself listening to music, i go to my class and if i feel like talking, i talk to my friend that sits beside me and that’s it.After all we are not even that close.
i dont have a friend  which i can talk to about anything anymore.I’m not miss bubbly either, its hard to keep a convo with people because i find them so boring :(.But if that people is very close to me I would be very talkative indeed.How can i make friends? i think its too late now, everyone in class are comfortable with their friends/groups i dont think i could fit in.i know they’re not interested in what I’m saying why should i care about what their talking about.i just feel like everyones fake, i can tell by the way they talk, act.But that’s of course not a good thinking.I should have think good about others although the fact may run opposite.I miss my old school and my old uni where there is friends and they really are what u called as friends indeed.I miss the old time pretty much.I guess I’ve met the wrong person in this phase of life.To be a loner is indeed hurtful but I got no choice.I don’t want to keep hurting myself again n again~~~Ya Allah beri aku kekuatan untuk menghadapi semua ini…..

memories stays forever

When a friend of mine talk about memories i suddenly remember that "memory'.Recalling that memory was the hardest part for me as it  stays forever in my heart and soul.memory stays forever.once it's there,it will always be there.they dont fade.not until death tear u apart.Its like playing back a recorded video that i can clearly and vividly remember every single moment of the storyline.17th July 2012.My house was burned down during a fire.We lost almost everything in a blink of an eye.We were only like 10 months more or less living in that new house of ours.Everything was new in that house.The furniture,the goods,the tile,the flowers were all new and polished.Mom was very happy indeed and of course we are too.Mom had waited for like years and years before we actually moved into that house.We went through a lot of trouble before we moved into the house.it really is trouble.Mainly problem with the authority.But mom was really determined for she had been longing it too long.We fought together with all of the others houses owners and yes we've made it through.For things mom had waited for like a thousand of years,she's happy and glad she finally made it.She wanna be like any other mom out there which possess their own house.She did all the decors and even save her own money for years so that when father bought a house,she can used up her savings to buy the furniture and such.She had herself sewed the curtain and it takes her two years two actually finish it because she is not even that fit for the job.
But then within a few minutes,the whole things were burned down into pieces.not to mention her heart which broke down together with the house.And what did she do?She shed no tears.No tears at all.How could someone be so strong when eveything you had is being torn down into pieces right in front of your eyes?you did nothing but watching it killing u silently inside.For she had as strong faith she shed no tears.Although i knew right deep inside your heart mom,the pain was unbearable.And the pain is even worse when i had to watch the person whom i love the most suffers like hell.The worst part is that mom dont even showed it in front of us.it is a hidden pain.
Our little irfan which is is 6 years old at that time know nothing but the fire which he saw.He cried out loud.Vey loud indeed.And very long.Crying over the loss.He loss his toys,cartoon shirts and books.Thats all for that poor little kid.He is just too young for this.I wish i can erase that memory from his mind so that later on in his life he does'nt even remember the pain.
From that point onwards i promise myself not to let her down.Not again after she had the worst one.I will try my best to excel and cover for the loss.I promise.I believe there is always reason for that 'memory'.I want to believe in YOU MY LORD and i put my trust onto YOU.May ALLAH ease everything.
Bismillahitawakkaltu 'alallah...

Yes,I was not there during the fire but the pain is always there~~~

losing to urself

when that one thing which keep u from falling apart is gone it feel like you'be been torn down into pieces.i lost my strength.i am totally weak and pathetic


In the end,it is only YOU who are there for me~~

"you can get through this"

"No, I WILL get through this. I don’t care how how strong the storm is. I don’t care how loud the thunder may be, or how bright the lightening is. I will not give up. This is just a bumpy path in life that cant go on forever.
I may trip and fall, but I will ALWAYS get right back up… And don’t you dare try to say you’re here for me, don’t you dare ask if I want to talk… I’ve heard it all before. I just have been disappointed and hurt… Left alone.. If you want to help, just hug me as tight as you can. I don’t want your advice, I don’t want your opinion I don’t want to hear you understand, cause you DO NOT know my exact feelings. Just let me cry, and cry, and cry until I can’t shed another tear.. But especially do not tell me I can get through this.. I already am getting through it. One single step at a time. I may just break, but I will get right back up. I promise you.

It will get better, I know it will. Don’t tell me I can get through this, I already am getting through."-quoted

All i need is the courage for me to get through all this and i have had just enough courage which i gathered from the hurt and pain(this is very true indeed),,i want to see myself in the end getting the victory,,i told myself to hold on again n again,,and i wont ever stop despite peoples who often looked down upon me and being ignorant,...i believe the time will come when every single things is resolved,,until then i will just keep waiting,,Bismillahitawakkaltu 'alallah,,

27th July 2012

27th of July 2012
Perginya  seorang insan yang  ku kenali sebagai "Chik" buat selama-lamanya..
Insan itu sangat bermakna buat ibu.Insan itu adalah 'Chik',adik kesayangan ibu..
Dua orang meninggalkan ibu pada hari yang sama.
Chik meninggalkan ibu untuk pergi menghadap Sang Pencipta.
Aku meningalkan ibu di kampung untuk kesekian kalinya setelah cuti semester tamat.
Kedua-duanya pergi pada hari yang sama.


Di saat Chik meninggal ibu berpesan,dengan deraian air mata dan esak tangis yang dapat kudengar tika suara sedu sedan ibu bergema dihujung talian.Pesanan ibu itu cukup terkesan kali ini,sehingga ia terngiang-ngiang dibenak kepala tanpa henti,pesanan itu cukup sayu hingga menyebabkan air mata yang tertahan akhirnya tumpah jua.Saat Chik meninggal,ibu sedar,dengan sebenar-benar kesedaran,betapa dirinya tak betah lagi mengejar sang duniawi,dengan air mata penyesalan kerana merasakan seluruh hidupnya diabdikan kepada sang duniawi,sedang akhirat kerap dilupa.Ibu menyalahi dirinya.Katanya, dia gagal,gagal sebagai seorang pendidik,gagal sebagai seorang ibu,walhal ibu yang aku kenal itu sudah cukup solehah dimataku,tapi masih hatinya berkata ia gagal sebagai seorang pendidik.

Di saat Chik meninggal,ibu sedar dirinya hanya fakir yang tidak berharta apatah lagi bekalan untuk bertemu dengan Sang Pencipta kelak,walhal ibu yang aku kenal itulah saban hari tidak pernah putus beribadat,ibu mengaji,ibu solat sunat,ibu baca quran semerdu yang boleh,sehingga rumah kosong kami bergema dengan alunan bacaan Quran dari ibu,ibu itu jugalah yang sentiasa tidak putus mendoakan anak-anak dan suaminya,ibu itu juga lah yang begitu tegar untuk tidak menitiskan sebarang air mata tatkala rumah yang selama ini mejadi tempat berlindung hangus tanpa sisa meninggalkan keluarganya sehelai sepinggang,ibu itu bangun disepertiga malam untuk sujud menadah meminta kasih dan keampunan dari Yang Esa,dan ibu itu jualah yang merasakan dirinya gagal sebagai seorang ibu dan pendidik.

Tidak bagiku ibu.Kau insan terbaik dimata hatiku,selamanya dunia dan akhirat.InsyaAllah,akan ku pegang pesanan dan amanatmu hingga tiba saat dimana malaikat maut datang untuk menjemputku..

 “Wahai tuhan kami, berilah keampunan kepadaku dan kepada kedua ibu bapaku dan kepada semua orang mukmin pada hari terjadinya hisab.” (Surah Ibrahim, ayat 41)

Firman Allah bermaksud: “Dan hendaklah engkau merendah diri kepada kedua-duanya kerana belas kasihan dan kasih sayangmu dan doakanlah (untuk mereka) – ” Wahai tuhanku, cucurilah rahmat kepada mereka berdua seperti mereka telah mencurahkan kasih sayangnya dengan memelihara dan mendidikku semasa kecil.” (Surah al-Isra’, ayat 24)

For my beloved mom,,

Dear mom,,

For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I'll be forever thankful
You're the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You're the one who saw me through through it all


You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me


You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand I could touch the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love I had it all
I'm grateful for each day you gave me
Maybe I don't know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was loved by you


You were always there for me
The tender wind that carried me
A light in the dark shining your love into my life
You've been my inspiration
Through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place because of you


You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me


I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

2012,4th sem,,

In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Most Merciful.

its been ages since i last wrote here,,

*sigh*

my chest feels as tight as ever,,as if i'm holding a weight on it,,

the truth is that i keep missing my family especially my mom and my little irfan,,

with the holiday ended,me-returned to the college-again back to my oldself-a lonely girl yet i hardly show it-while the fact is that i feel like i cant hold on any longer,,i miss my mom,i do really miss her,i miss her to the point of exhaustion,i miss her like crazy,i miss her damn much,,your awful daughter is missing u like hell mom :( i want to call her but yet i;m afraid my tears will burst the moment i hear her voice,,what should i do then??i dont want her to know that i'm missing her like hell,,and that i'm crying every single day without a single one knowing,i dont want her to worries about me,,i'm such an awful daughter,i'm not more than just like a little kids who is crying when he doesnt see his mom around him,,mom,,i'm just afraid that i will not have enough strength to go through this,,for all this while i was just pretending to be a strong one while in fact my heart is crying like hell and i feel as if the things i went off everyday keep tearing me apart,,what should i do mom?do i have to keep pretending to be strong till the end?i just felt that i would have been stronger and not pretending to be strong if i have u close by me,,because i know it too much,,i get that kind of courage when u r close to me mom,,u r my greatest strength after all mom,,u r the reasons for what i'm doing right now,,u're the reasons why i keep holding on till today,,YA ALLAH,,jadikanlah aku penyabar dan tabah dgn setiap dugaanMu,,

fake it till u make it!!

i hope i will have just enough strength to hold on till the end~~

doakanlah anakmu ini ibu~~

bantulah hambaMu yang lemah lagi xberdaya ini YA ALLAH~~