Lesson of the day

         It is my second clinical in one of the hospital in KL at the radiotherapy department.and there is this one patient which kind of attract me and moved me as well.He was coughing badly for about 3 to 4 weeks.By the time he came to se the doctor,he was diagnosed with lung cancer and he came for the treatment.Patient is indeed very concern about his disease.He kept asking this and that to the radiographer nonstop.I would say that he was really like a serious one of all the patient.He is very anxious and yet he keep it up and give his very best of all.It was during his 2^nd fraction that he was complaining he is having a bloody cough,which he had never had before.He looks very healthy indeed despite the palliative treatment(treatment for end stage disease aiming to prolong the life span and not for cure) he is receiving.The patient himself told us that he jogs more than twice per week and he is practising healthy life style yet the disease still choose him.His mother had a colonic cancer after all.He asked the radiographer on whether he got the disease as her mother had it too,is it inheritance?.But then the radiographer told him that colon cancer is not an inheritable disease so it is just a coincidence.Besides,he used to be a social smoker less that 10 years ago and had stopped since then.He even asked the radiographer on his chances of survival.But as a radiographer we couldnt have said much.It is inappropriate if we were to tell the patient even if we knew.So the radiographer just told him briefly and asked him to consult the doctor.But of course he looks very worried indeed.He tried his best to fight the disease.The radiographer told him to practise a proper diet throughout the treatment and he needs to drink a lot of plain water.He is very truthful,obeying every single orders fron the health practisioner, that he even bring his mineral bottle every single day(when there is no other patient doing it at all) during the treatment and he asked on how much does exactly he need to drink.is it this much?or that much?of course he don’t have to force himself.Just drink it slowly and take it easy.Thats what the radiographer told him.During the earlier treatment he was indeed very anxious that the doctor had again to consult him for the second time.He is also indeed the first and the earliest patient to enter the hospital every single morning.Seing him fighting for his life I wonder why do we give up our life so easily?There is just too many people outhere fighting for the sake of their life when we people take life for granted and most of all take our health for granted.Yes of course it is true that cancer can just affect anyone regardless of your gender,age,health status,and such.Being you young or old cancer knows no borders and limits.They can just affect anyone.Even the newborn.So the point is that don’t take life for granted,spend time fruitfully and make ur life meaningful and do take care of your health.Most of all,as a muslim,live ur life for the sake of Allah,so that even if u have to die anytime u will have no regret.

*this is gonna become my case study..:)

Nothing in me except YOU

This feeling.i was unable to describe it.That kind of feeling when u actually felt that God answers ur prayers and He is actually speaking to you..Speak with u in a way that it will directly strike ur heart,leaving those kind of  "kehambaan" feeling there.And upon that moment the tears burst out all the way down the cheek,uncontrollable,running down and pouring as was the heavy rain.He is just too Great and He is truly The Greatest.i felt very weak indeed.very guilty.Pls keep me in the right track my Lord,,,

if it is my fault you tell me

These past two years, i suppose i changed, i realize people were’nt the same and i just stop talking to them and they did the same.they talk to me,I talk to them only when there is a need.its very heart broken indeed but I’m just getting used to it that much that I don’t even have any feeling towards them anymore.i just stop talking to them and stop being talkative just because I’m sick of them.i’m sick of how they actually being so ignorant or am I the one who is too sensitive?u cook and u left the pot there unwashed for like days,weeks and even months.u left the plate,bowl unwashed in the sink,on the table,with the left over food remained on the table.u just did ur own stuff and never bother to sweep the house not even once.okay u did it.but I can barely counts how many times u swept the floor.u rarely wash the toilet.i remembered once only u washed the toilet.the rest is done by mine.i put my effort on washing the verandah and u simply litter it like nothing is wrong.it is okay at first.i don’t mind.but as the time passes by I lost my patience.How can I simply did all the cleaning while u guys just watched from a distance and become nothing more than just an observer.Is it that hard to even lend me a hand?we are living in the same house after all..

I’m sick of this and I’m really sick of it.I just let them be.Fine,let the floor left unswept.Let the bowls,and the pot be there until all the fungi grows on them.But that’s not the reality.I always cook and when they left the pot unwashed there I have no other choice but to wash it cause I’m gonna use it!in the end it is still me who did the cleaning.I left the floor unswept but when it comes to a point I can barely stand still and watched the dirty floor I eventually did the cleaning and mopping.In the end it’s me.I’m just sick of it.What shall I do people out there?tell me something that will soothe me.I don’t want to be a bad person who talk about their friends behind but I guess I just did so.am I  a bad person?i just lost my patience and I just don’t know how to cope with this.I am at my limit.Thats it.

 And now i only talk to the people i see everyday, cause i would’nt want to look so lonely but i am. 
Everyday i go to classes, in the mornings i sit by myself listening to music, i go to my class and if i feel like talking, i talk to my friend that sits beside me and that’s it.After all we are not even that close.
i dont have a friend  which i can talk to about anything anymore.I’m not miss bubbly either, its hard to keep a convo with people because i find them so boring :(.But if that people is very close to me I would be very talkative indeed.How can i make friends? i think its too late now, everyone in class are comfortable with their friends/groups i dont think i could fit in.i know they’re not interested in what I’m saying why should i care about what their talking about.i just feel like everyones fake, i can tell by the way they talk, act.But that’s of course not a good thinking.I should have think good about others although the fact may run opposite.I miss my old school and my old uni where there is friends and they really are what u called as friends indeed.I miss the old time pretty much.I guess I’ve met the wrong person in this phase of life.To be a loner is indeed hurtful but I got no choice.I don’t want to keep hurting myself again n again~~~Ya Allah beri aku kekuatan untuk menghadapi semua ini…..

memories stays forever

When a friend of mine talk about memories i suddenly remember that "memory'.Recalling that memory was the hardest part for me as it  stays forever in my heart and soul.memory stays forever.once it's there,it will always be there.they dont fade.not until death tear u apart.Its like playing back a recorded video that i can clearly and vividly remember every single moment of the storyline.17th July 2012.My house was burned down during a fire.We lost almost everything in a blink of an eye.We were only like 10 months more or less living in that new house of ours.Everything was new in that house.The furniture,the goods,the tile,the flowers were all new and polished.Mom was very happy indeed and of course we are too.Mom had waited for like years and years before we actually moved into that house.We went through a lot of trouble before we moved into the house.it really is trouble.Mainly problem with the authority.But mom was really determined for she had been longing it too long.We fought together with all of the others houses owners and yes we've made it through.For things mom had waited for like a thousand of years,she's happy and glad she finally made it.She wanna be like any other mom out there which possess their own house.She did all the decors and even save her own money for years so that when father bought a house,she can used up her savings to buy the furniture and such.She had herself sewed the curtain and it takes her two years two actually finish it because she is not even that fit for the job.
But then within a few minutes,the whole things were burned down into pieces.not to mention her heart which broke down together with the house.And what did she do?She shed no tears.No tears at all.How could someone be so strong when eveything you had is being torn down into pieces right in front of your eyes?you did nothing but watching it killing u silently inside.For she had as strong faith she shed no tears.Although i knew right deep inside your heart mom,the pain was unbearable.And the pain is even worse when i had to watch the person whom i love the most suffers like hell.The worst part is that mom dont even showed it in front of us.it is a hidden pain.
Our little irfan which is is 6 years old at that time know nothing but the fire which he saw.He cried out loud.Vey loud indeed.And very long.Crying over the loss.He loss his toys,cartoon shirts and books.Thats all for that poor little kid.He is just too young for this.I wish i can erase that memory from his mind so that later on in his life he does'nt even remember the pain.
From that point onwards i promise myself not to let her down.Not again after she had the worst one.I will try my best to excel and cover for the loss.I promise.I believe there is always reason for that 'memory'.I want to believe in YOU MY LORD and i put my trust onto YOU.May ALLAH ease everything.
Bismillahitawakkaltu 'alallah...

Yes,I was not there during the fire but the pain is always there~~~

losing to urself

when that one thing which keep u from falling apart is gone it feel like you'be been torn down into pieces.i lost my strength.i am totally weak and pathetic


In the end,it is only YOU who are there for me~~

"you can get through this"

"No, I WILL get through this. I don’t care how how strong the storm is. I don’t care how loud the thunder may be, or how bright the lightening is. I will not give up. This is just a bumpy path in life that cant go on forever.
I may trip and fall, but I will ALWAYS get right back up… And don’t you dare try to say you’re here for me, don’t you dare ask if I want to talk… I’ve heard it all before. I just have been disappointed and hurt… Left alone.. If you want to help, just hug me as tight as you can. I don’t want your advice, I don’t want your opinion I don’t want to hear you understand, cause you DO NOT know my exact feelings. Just let me cry, and cry, and cry until I can’t shed another tear.. But especially do not tell me I can get through this.. I already am getting through it. One single step at a time. I may just break, but I will get right back up. I promise you.

It will get better, I know it will. Don’t tell me I can get through this, I already am getting through."-quoted

All i need is the courage for me to get through all this and i have had just enough courage which i gathered from the hurt and pain(this is very true indeed),,i want to see myself in the end getting the victory,,i told myself to hold on again n again,,and i wont ever stop despite peoples who often looked down upon me and being ignorant,...i believe the time will come when every single things is resolved,,until then i will just keep waiting,,Bismillahitawakkaltu 'alallah,,

27th July 2012

27th of July 2012
Perginya  seorang insan yang  ku kenali sebagai "Chik" buat selama-lamanya..
Insan itu sangat bermakna buat ibu.Insan itu adalah 'Chik',adik kesayangan ibu..
Dua orang meninggalkan ibu pada hari yang sama.
Chik meninggalkan ibu untuk pergi menghadap Sang Pencipta.
Aku meningalkan ibu di kampung untuk kesekian kalinya setelah cuti semester tamat.
Kedua-duanya pergi pada hari yang sama.


Di saat Chik meninggal ibu berpesan,dengan deraian air mata dan esak tangis yang dapat kudengar tika suara sedu sedan ibu bergema dihujung talian.Pesanan ibu itu cukup terkesan kali ini,sehingga ia terngiang-ngiang dibenak kepala tanpa henti,pesanan itu cukup sayu hingga menyebabkan air mata yang tertahan akhirnya tumpah jua.Saat Chik meninggal,ibu sedar,dengan sebenar-benar kesedaran,betapa dirinya tak betah lagi mengejar sang duniawi,dengan air mata penyesalan kerana merasakan seluruh hidupnya diabdikan kepada sang duniawi,sedang akhirat kerap dilupa.Ibu menyalahi dirinya.Katanya, dia gagal,gagal sebagai seorang pendidik,gagal sebagai seorang ibu,walhal ibu yang aku kenal itu sudah cukup solehah dimataku,tapi masih hatinya berkata ia gagal sebagai seorang pendidik.

Di saat Chik meninggal,ibu sedar dirinya hanya fakir yang tidak berharta apatah lagi bekalan untuk bertemu dengan Sang Pencipta kelak,walhal ibu yang aku kenal itulah saban hari tidak pernah putus beribadat,ibu mengaji,ibu solat sunat,ibu baca quran semerdu yang boleh,sehingga rumah kosong kami bergema dengan alunan bacaan Quran dari ibu,ibu itu jugalah yang sentiasa tidak putus mendoakan anak-anak dan suaminya,ibu itu juga lah yang begitu tegar untuk tidak menitiskan sebarang air mata tatkala rumah yang selama ini mejadi tempat berlindung hangus tanpa sisa meninggalkan keluarganya sehelai sepinggang,ibu itu bangun disepertiga malam untuk sujud menadah meminta kasih dan keampunan dari Yang Esa,dan ibu itu jualah yang merasakan dirinya gagal sebagai seorang ibu dan pendidik.

Tidak bagiku ibu.Kau insan terbaik dimata hatiku,selamanya dunia dan akhirat.InsyaAllah,akan ku pegang pesanan dan amanatmu hingga tiba saat dimana malaikat maut datang untuk menjemputku..

 “Wahai tuhan kami, berilah keampunan kepadaku dan kepada kedua ibu bapaku dan kepada semua orang mukmin pada hari terjadinya hisab.” (Surah Ibrahim, ayat 41)

Firman Allah bermaksud: “Dan hendaklah engkau merendah diri kepada kedua-duanya kerana belas kasihan dan kasih sayangmu dan doakanlah (untuk mereka) – ” Wahai tuhanku, cucurilah rahmat kepada mereka berdua seperti mereka telah mencurahkan kasih sayangnya dengan memelihara dan mendidikku semasa kecil.” (Surah al-Isra’, ayat 24)

For my beloved mom,,

Dear mom,,

For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I'll be forever thankful
You're the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You're the one who saw me through through it all


You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me


You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand I could touch the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love I had it all
I'm grateful for each day you gave me
Maybe I don't know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was loved by you


You were always there for me
The tender wind that carried me
A light in the dark shining your love into my life
You've been my inspiration
Through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place because of you


You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me


I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

2012,4th sem,,

In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Most Merciful.

its been ages since i last wrote here,,

*sigh*

my chest feels as tight as ever,,as if i'm holding a weight on it,,

the truth is that i keep missing my family especially my mom and my little irfan,,

with the holiday ended,me-returned to the college-again back to my oldself-a lonely girl yet i hardly show it-while the fact is that i feel like i cant hold on any longer,,i miss my mom,i do really miss her,i miss her to the point of exhaustion,i miss her like crazy,i miss her damn much,,your awful daughter is missing u like hell mom :( i want to call her but yet i;m afraid my tears will burst the moment i hear her voice,,what should i do then??i dont want her to know that i'm missing her like hell,,and that i'm crying every single day without a single one knowing,i dont want her to worries about me,,i'm such an awful daughter,i'm not more than just like a little kids who is crying when he doesnt see his mom around him,,mom,,i'm just afraid that i will not have enough strength to go through this,,for all this while i was just pretending to be a strong one while in fact my heart is crying like hell and i feel as if the things i went off everyday keep tearing me apart,,what should i do mom?do i have to keep pretending to be strong till the end?i just felt that i would have been stronger and not pretending to be strong if i have u close by me,,because i know it too much,,i get that kind of courage when u r close to me mom,,u r my greatest strength after all mom,,u r the reasons for what i'm doing right now,,u're the reasons why i keep holding on till today,,YA ALLAH,,jadikanlah aku penyabar dan tabah dgn setiap dugaanMu,,

fake it till u make it!!

i hope i will have just enough strength to hold on till the end~~

doakanlah anakmu ini ibu~~

bantulah hambaMu yang lemah lagi xberdaya ini YA ALLAH~~

1 MUHARRAM 1433

YA ALLAH...KUATKAN SEMANGATKU INI....

In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Most Merciful.

All praise be to Allah, the Lord of all the worlds.

The Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

Master of the Day of Reward.

You (alone) we worship and You (alone) we ask for help.

Guide us on the Straight Path.

The path of those you have blessed, not of those with anger on them, nor of those
who are astray.

(Al-Fatihah;1-7)

Ya Tuhan kami, janganlah Engkau hukum kami jika kami lupa atau kami tersalah. Ya Tuhan kami, janganlah Engkau bebankan kepada kami beban yang berat sebagaimana Engkau bebankan kepada orang-orang yang sebelum kami. Ya Tuhan kami, janganlah Engkau pikulkan kepada kami apa yang tak sanggup kami memikulnya. Maafkanlah kami; ampunilah kami; dan rahmatilah kami. Engkaulah Penolong kami, maka tolonglah kami terhadap kaum yang kafir.
(Al Baqarah [2]:286)

khabarkan aku jika aku silap mengerti YA ALLAH..

bimbinglah aku pada jalanMU yg lurus,,

jalan yang Engkau redhai,dunia dan akhirat,,

Amin,,,

M.I.S.U.N.D.E.R.S.T.A.N.D.I.N.G

i was watching "playful kiss" when suddenly she came and told me the whole story,

well,,its not new for me,

i've been used to it already,

being dumped and isolated,

thats me,

i dont know whose fault it is,but then again it happen,

to me and to her,

i told her to get use to it,

it was only a misunderstanding,miscommunication,

u never knew it though,

who are u people to judge it so easily and talked secretly behind??

it was kinda of backstabbing,

i wasn't running away,

its u who left me behind,

and u always did so.

i'm tired of chasing u guys,

i will no more go after u,

then it happen to be u are telling that i kept avoiding u,

what the hell is this??

it really make me sick!

i have had it enough already

i'm tired!!

do whatever u wanted to

i have no gut to entertain u any longer

just do as u please

menghitung hari,,

menghitung hari untuk pulang ke rumah,,

akhirnya berakhir jgk statusku sbg freshie di ukm ni,,

next sem dah 2nd year:)

sepanjang dua sem di ukm kl ni,terlalu banyak yang telah dipelajari,

dari fizik,anatomi,fisiologi,biokimia,hubungan etnik,tamadun islam dan asia tenggara,pengurusan emosi,academic communication,psikologi,pengurusan masa,pengurusan emosi,,etc,,

tu semua subjek akademik,most of all,xlupa juga ape yang ak belajar tentang "kehidupan"

realiti kehidupan itu sendiri dimana ianya dapat dilihat dan dirasai di bumi ukm ni,,

pertama kali datang,bagaikan orang asing,,lambaian um seolah2 memanggil tetapi apakan daya diri sudah terikat dengan rantai besi di bumi ukm,,hidup diteruskan dengan realiti ukm dihadapan bersama dengan segala kenangan silam di um yang masih cukup segar di ingatan dan tidak pernah luput walau sekelumit jua.Itu la hakikat yang pertama.

Hakikat yang kedua,meneruskan hidup dengan keberadaan jasad di bumi ukm walau hati melayang-layang di um.Sukar sekali untuk menyesuaikan diri apabila jasa dan jiwa tidak seiring,apatah lg bila harapan yang menggunung terhadap ukm nyata hanya tinggal harapan,Indah khabar dari rupa.Tidak dinafikan,ada sesetengah part di mana ukm lebih baik namun itu semua tidak bermakna apabila dibandingkan dengan nilai seorang sahabat yang tidak dapat ku temui di sini,rasanya benar bila aku katakan di bumi ukm ini aku mulai melihat realiti kehidupan dari kaca mata yang sebenar,persepsi ku mulai berubah,ternyata hidup di dunia ini tidak seindah yang aku alami sebelum ini..ini lah hakikat sebenar dunia yang baru aku kenali dan rasai dan untuk pertama kalinya aku jatuh tersungkur berulang kali didalam dunia persahabatanku yang selama ini sangat aku agung-agungkan.

Aku jatuh Ya Allah,aku bangkit dan jatuh lagi,,

Namun aku tidak berputus asa,aku bangkit lg,,

Malangya aku jatuh lg,dan aku bangun lg untuk kesekian kalinya

bertemankan kudrat yang masih bersisa,

Jika aku jatuh lg selepas ini,apakah aku masih punya kekuatan untuk bangkit??

Aku tak ingin jatuh lg.jika aku jatuh sekalipun aku akan bangkit bertatih mahupun merangkak,

aku akan bangkit,kerana aku tidak mahu selamanya aku jatuh tersungkur,,

Namun di setiap kali kejatuhan itu,aku bangkit dengan semangat yang berbeza,

Ya,setiap kejatuhan itu telah membuat aku bertambah kuat,

Kekuatan yang hanya dirasai apabila aku jatuh dan cuba mengumpul kembali kudrat untuk aku bangkit,

Wahai HAti sabarlah dikau,

Sesungguhnya engkau telah bertambah kuat!!!

(to be continued......)

because i'm a fool~~

Because i'm a fool by Jung Yong Hwa,,poor Shin Woo for he has to give up on the person he loved the most,Go Mi Nye,,being dumped by her like a thousand of times,,yet he still give her his best when time in need,,he is indeed a gentleman in the story You're Beautiful,,i wish only if Go Mi Nye was together with shin Woo at the end~~it would be just nice if they were couple,,,but Tae Kyung was too great and it happen to be that he is with her,,never mind she can just pass Shin Woo to me :P

what a song by Shin Woo to Go Mi Nye!!

because i'm a fool......

I must be like this because I’m a fool
It seems alright even when I’m hurt
Even when I’m teased about my pitiful love
Because I’m a fool beyond help

I was good to her because I wanted to be
I was happy with just that
If she smiles just once
I’m happy with that smile

Thinking “This girl doesn’t have a person she likes”
I simply stay by her side like this
Because this is a love where I’m happy to be giving
I don’t expect anything in return

A place from where I can reach her any time she holds out her hand
A place from where I can visit her any time she calls for me
I’ll stay there without changing
Because I love her

Because she was the one I chose
Even the pain made me happy
If she looks back at me just once
I’m happy with that

Thinking “This girl doesn’t have a person she likes”
I simply stay by her side like this
Because this is a love where I’m happy to be giving
I don’t expect anything in return

A place from where I can reach her any time she holds out her hand
A place from where I can visit her any time she calls for me
I’ll stay there without changing
Because I love her

Until someone else to watch over her in my place arrives
I’ll stay by her side for the time being
Because this is a love where I’m just happy to gaze at her
I don’t need anything in return

So that she can lean on me and rest any time
I’ll always appear the same
Even if she leaves me without saying goodbye
I’ll let her go saying thanks

Because I’m a fool

English translation of lyrics by Soompi

Without a word-park sin hye

~~suddenly become addicted to this song:)~~~

Park Shin Hye - Without A Word
[You're Beautiful O.S.T]
CREDIT: sarangie<3@soompi forum [hangul] , EnVogue@soompi forum [romanization] , Agikasha@soompi forum [translation] , lanaGGG@youtube

HANGUL:

하지말걸 그랬어 모른척 해버릴걸
안보이는 것처럼 볼수없는 것처럼
널 아 예 보지말 걸 그랬나봐
도망칠 걸 그랬어 못들은척 그럴걸
듣지 도못하는 척들 을 수 없는 것처럼 아 예 네
사랑 듣지 않을 걸

말도없이 사랑을 알게 하고
말도없이 사랑을 내게주고
숨결하나조차 널 담게 해놓고 이렇게 도망가니까
말도없이 사랑이 나를떠나
말도없이 사랑이 나를 버려
무슨 말을 할지 다문 입이 혼자서 놀란것 같아
말도없이 와서

왜 이렇게 아픈지 왜 자꾸만 아픈지
널 볼수 없다는거
네가 없다는거 말고
모두 예전과 똑같은건데

말도없이 사랑을 알게 하고
말도없이 사랑을 내게주고
숨결 하나조차 널 담게 해놓고 이렇게 도망 가니까
말도없이 사랑이 나를떠나
말동벗이 사랑이 나를버려
무슨말을 할지 다문입이 혼자서 놀란것 같아
말도없이 눈물이 흘러내려 말도없이 가슴이 무너져가

말도 없는 사랑을 기다리고 말도 없는 사랑을 아파하고
넋이 나가버려 바보가 되버려 하늘만 보고우니까
말도없이 이별이 나를찾아 말도 없이 이별이 내게와서
준비도 못하고 너를 보내야하는 내맘이 놀란것 같아
말도 없이 와서

말도없이 왔다가
말도없이 떠나는
지나간 열병처럼
잠시 아프면 되나봐
자꾸 흉터만 남게되니까

ROMANIZATION:

hajimalgeol geuraesseo moreuncheok haebeorilgeol
anboineun geotcheoreom bolsueobneun geotcheoreom
neol a ye bojimal geol geuraetnabwa
domangchil geol geuraesseo moteureuncheok geureolgeol
deudji domotaneun cheokdeul eul su eobneun geotcheoreom a ye ne
sarang deudji anheul geol

maldoeobshi sarangeul alge hago
maldoeobshi sarangeul naegejugo
sumgeolhanajocha neol damge haenoko ireoke domanganikka
maldoeobshi sarangi nareulddeona
maldoeobshi sarangi nareul beoreo
museun mareul halji damun ibi honjaseo nollangeot gata
maldoeobshi waseo

wae ireoke apeunji wae jagguman apeunji
neol bolsu eobdaneungeo
nega eobdaneungeo malgo
modu yejingwa ddokateungeonde

maldoeobshi sarangeul alge hago
maldoeobshi sarangeul naegejugo
sumgyeol hanajocha neol damge haenuko ireoke domang anikka
maldoeobshi sarangi nareulddeona
maldongbeoshi sarangi nareulbeoryo
museunmareul halji damunibi honjaseo nolangeot gata
maldoeobshi nunmuri heulreonaeryeo maldoeobshi gaseumi muneojyeoga

maldo eobneun sarangeul gidarigo maldo eobneun sarangeul apahago
neokshi nagabeoryeo baboga dwibeoryeo haneulman bogo unigga
maldoeobshi ibyeori nareulchaja maldo eobshi ibyeori naegawaseo
junbido motago neoreul bunaeyahaneun naemami nullangeot gata
maldo eobshi waseo

maldoeobshi watdaga
maldoeobshi ddeonaneun
jinagan yeeolbyeongcheoreom
jamshi apeumyeon dwinabwa
jaggu hyungteoman namgedwaenikka

TRANSLATION:

I should have done that
I should have ignored it
like something i couldn't see
I shouldn't have looked at you at all
I should have run away
I hould have acted like i didn't hear it
like something I couldn't hear.
I shouldn't have listened to love at all

Without a word , you let me know love
Without a word, you give me love
You made me even hold your breath but you ran away like this
Without a word, love leaves me
Without a word, love tossed me away
what should I say next?
my lips were surprised
it came without a word

Why does it hurts so much?
Why does it hurts continuously ?
Except for the fact that i can't see you anymore
And that you are not here anymore
Otherwise, it's the same as before.

Without a word , you let me know love
Without a word, you give me love
You made me even hold of your breath but you ran away like this
Without a word, love leaves me
Without a word, love tossed me away
What should I say next?
my lips were surprised
Without a word, tears fall
Without a word, my heart breaks down.

Without a word, i waited for love
Without a word, love hurts me
I zoned out. I become a fool because I cry looking at the sky
Without a word, firewell finds me
Without a word, the end comes to me
I think my heart was surprised to send you away without any preperations
It came without a word.

Without a word, it comes and leaves
Like the fever before
Maybe all I need to do is endure the hurt for a while
Because in the end, only scars are left.

the forgotten

call me the girl that no one ever noticed

call me the girl that no one ever cared about

call me the girl that u can pass in the hall and not give a damn

call me THE FORGOTTEN

the pain of having a broken hurt is not so much as to kill u,

but not so little as to let u live

enough to kill me already

i always know that looking back on the tears would make me laugh

but i never knew looking back at the laugh would make me cry

u know what,

a friend is someone who knows the song of ur heart

and can sing it back to u when u have forgotten the words

please find one??

so this is my life

i'm not happy

and i'm still trying to figure out how could that be

I miss u!

i,ve just realised that my blog compose mainly of sad stories

well i guess i'm writing it when i was feeling blue thats why it is so after all~~

it happen to be that since i got here:UKM

i rarely feel at ease and overwhelmed by excitement and feel the happiness like i used to when i was at schools and UM

i dont know

well..

maybe i dont really hav a friend to laugh with me

i'm just a clueless and pathetic girl who desperately looking for a friend

i feel as if

i'm searching for something that is not even there!

i cant live

if living is without a "friend"

i really cant make a living in such a way

thats not me

i'm tired of being myself

can I?

i'm alone

something is missing in my life

and yet i dont know how to fix it

ahh..

there was time when i really laughed and enjoyed myself to the fullest

and as i looked back on those day

i realise how much i've been missing my old friends

i truly miss it

damn much!

“You can shed tears that she is gone,
or you can smile because she has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back,
or you can open your eyes and see all she's left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see her,
or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember her only that she is gone,
or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind,
be empty and turn your back.
Or you can do what she'd want:
smile, open your eyes, love and go on.”

-david harkins-

Subhanallah~~

On the authority of Abu Dharr al-Ghifari (may Allah be pleased with him) from the Prophet (PBUH) is that among the sayings he relates from his Lord (may He be glorified) is that He said:
O My servants, I have forbidden oppression for Myself and have made it forbidden amongst you, so do not oppress one another. O My servants, all of you are astray except for those I have guided, so seek guidance of Me and I shall guide you, O My servants, all of you are hungry except for those I have fed, so seek food of Me and I shall feed you. O My servants, all of you are naked except for those I have clothed, so seek clothing of Me and I shall clothe you. O My servants, you sin by night and by day, and I forgive all sins, so seek forgiveness of Me and I shall forgive you. O My servants, you will not attain harming Me so as to harm Me, and will not attain benefitting Me so as to benefit Me. O My servants, were the first of you and the last of you, the human of you and the jinn of you to be as pious as the most pious heart of any one man of you, that would not increase My kingdom in anything. O My servants, were the first of you and the last of you, the human of you and the jinn of you to be as wicked as the most wicked heart of any one man of you, that would not decrease My kingdom in anything. O My servants, were the first of you and the last of you, the human of you and the jinn of you to rise up in one place and make a request of Me, and were I to give everyone what he requested, that would not decrease what I have, any more that a needle decreases the sea if put into it. O My servants, it is but your deeds that I reckon up for you and then recompense you for, so let him finds good praise Allah and let him who finds other that blame no one but himself.

It was related by Muslim (also by at-Tirmidhi and Ibn Majah).

Terima kasih wahai blog kerana saban hari menjadi tempat untuk aku mencurah rasa,,

i feel less tensed when i wrote,,with all the downpour in the heart,it went away as i write and write and write,,i guess i'm expressing it on u my blog!

sedih!!!:(

la tahzan!dont be sad!

kan Allah dah bgtau:

"Dan janganlah kamu merasa lemah,dan jangan pula bersedih hati,

sebab kamu paling tinggi darjatnya,

JIKA kamu orang yang beriman"

Kalau dulu hati ni sangat tekesan tatkala di'isolated'kan oleh sahabat seperjuangan for no solid reasons tetapi ntah kenapa sekarang xde sekelumit pn rasa tu bersarang di hati lg,,kenape ye??rasanya hati ni dah kalis diperlakukan sebegitu rupa,ya,,itu la hakikatnya!alhamdulillah tiada lg rasa yang membungkam dan menyesakkan jiwa raga sehingga meyebabkan ketegangan dalam diri,,lega sekali!a weight is lifted!in this evening,i give the final blow!

i'm trying to be positive!

aku belajar jd independent after all,,

i dont need people to accompany me to go to uo,chow kit,ts,pt widuri,smart copy,,

even if i wanted badly a person to accompany me i know there is none of it!sighT.T

and i dont expect they asking me to accompany them!

not at all!

the next thing i realise is that:

ak seorang hamba yang berTuhan,,

bila kita sedih,kita ingat Allah,,

bila kita gembira cpt pula kita lupakan DIA,,

betapa angkuhnya seorang hamba terhadap Tuannya,

seakan hidup tiada bertuhan,,

sedangkan Allah xpernah lupakan hambaNya,

kataNya Tuhan..

"Apabila hamba-hambaKu bertanya tentang Aku,

maka sesungguhnya Aku dekat.

Aku kabulkan permohonan orang yang berdoa apabila dia berdoa kepadaKu....."

Hari yang bakal dilalui adalah sebuah hari yang belum tentu manis atau pahitnya untuk kita lalui sebagai seorang hamba,

lalu kuncinya adalah:DOA

Doa memberikan kekuatan pada yang lemah,

Membuat orang yang tidak percaya percaya,

Memberikan keberanian pada yang ketakutan,,

DOA itu SENJATA ORANG MUKMIN,,

so,

Jangan sombong dengan Khaliq!

pesanan buat diri,

jgn pernah kau lupakan Tuhan,

baik ketika suka mahupun duka,

percayalah setiap suatu yang datang,

membawa jutaan hikmah,

diiringi ribuan hikmah,

tidak perlu kau persoalkan ketetapanNya,

You're never alone,just reach into your heart and Allah is always there,,

You're never alone!!

"...Apakah manusia itu mengira bahawa mereka dibiarkan saja mengatakan,"Kami telah beriman",sedangkan mereka tidak diuji lg? Dan sesungguhnya Kami telah

menguji orang-orang sebelum mereka,

maka sesungguhnya Allah mengetahui

orang-orang yang benar dan sesungguhnya

Dia mengetahui orang-orang yang dusta"

(Al-Ankabut:2-3)

Thanks to all pain and plain

Ain't a crime

because its u celebrate life

its still beautiful

no matter how much

it has made u

black and blue...

-Hlovate-

story of my life~~

Hi ,dear .I think I haven't had a real talk with anyone else during these days .In the cafe or after a sunshine noon ,chating idlely with friends is like sth luxurious . So ,as I'm free to open my mouth now ,I wanna talk over sth with you .Just imagine :D You cannot believe how warm and comfortable the weather is here ,between 10-20 C ,is exactly the coming of early spring.Every time I open the window ,gentle breeze goes into my whole room ,and touch my face .I love it ! And I guess it must have been very hot there ? :D Every day is regular ,even if my birthday ,no celebration ,no friends around ,as quiet as my character .:D Sorry to mislead you ,I'm the single child but I have no right to decide how many kids my relatives can own .And I'm the youngest of all .:D My new semester is also beginning on September.Half a year is not a short time if you wanna create sth . You know though i'm free as what i look like ,I know actually my parents still remain some unsatisfaction with my dropout ,I can sense that in their action and words ,which really hurts me now and then and lets me sink into guilt .I wanna travel ,wanna touch the outside world ,even if it's just a single trip ,by train or ...i don't care .While in the other hand ,I'm so afraid to make them labour under the delusion that my dropout is to play instead of further study .Find a part time job is good choice for me ,however ,distant trip is more beneficial to a teenage at the age of 19 .Youth is put into non-stop wearying work or get to know more about this world ? I believe the latter.We're already 19 ,and soon we'll stride into a new stage--20 .It's horrible to see our age accumulates with the passage of time. So far ,I've seldom done sth i wanna achieve ,the done is mostly what others expect me to .And it's one of the essential reason why i feel strained in the past.We need to be ourselves.Stress-out find no effective way to be cured totally ,at least there's some way to alleviate :follow your heart.:D I love writting to friends or simply go to bed when the stress is out of control .Do you have the habit to keep a dairy ? I tired before ,and you know what ,the next day when i looked back what i was pouring out ,tearing the paper into pieces is always the end ,so i never keep a dairy now .:D So turn to friends who really love you and I'm sure they'll be very happy to listen to you and try to share the stress with you together ,and never will they regard your visit as bother .Speak out your pressure will make us feel better than drowning it in your heart . Get it ? Just don't tire yourself so much ,dear ,be yourself :D Glad to know you'll be in long vacation too,so you'll go back to hometown hunting for a job or just stay in the university ? Any plan to make a trip ? Beside basic studying in daily life ,I take much pleasure in any kinds of American Tv series .I guess you must be very familiar with "FRIENDS" ,right ? I plan to watch it out :D and meantime ,improve my chess skill .Recently ,I find a new interesting game "Sudoku" to lighten up my life . Good talk for me .hehe ,sorry if my letter distracts you , just feel free to reply ,however short or long it is .:D Any words from friends will always make my day .I'm always here for you .:D Take care ,dear .-xiaomin

thats why i was so passionate of being a teacher

things was as usual except that it was raining outside,,

i was in the lecture,not really a lecture,english class,,

i was all alone,depressed,isolated in the crowd,but..

my english lecturer was a great one,i love to listen to her,

she was very dedicated,funny and love to tell us her story and life experiences,,

only then she started to talk,,

and again about her life,,

it was a wonderful one,,that i listen to every single word which come out from her mouth,,

and what i learned from her talk today:,,

please have justice on yourself,,

dont be too harsh on yourself,,

and find a friend to laugh and cry together,,

just like how she and Puan Azizah(her best friend) did,,

a friendship that bring two life together,,

they have become soooooooo close that they are being called the non-identical twin,,

just imagine this: they have been friends since she was in Form 4 until now(i dont know her age but i guess it is late 40's),,see how long they have been with each other,,

i guess their friendSHIP is even stronger than that of TITANIC,,

i was amazed seeing how their friendship was,,

do i have such friend?i asked myself,,

i dont know and i really dont know,,

i have so called my GM clique,,

i have so called my X3 clique,,

i do love my cliques,

but to consider it as strong as the friendSHIP of Puan Ruzmel(my lecturer) and Puan Azizah,,

i guess not,,

so,do i really have one?

u answer me~~

ever since that,

I PROMISED TO HAVE JUSTICE ON MYSELF..

I PROMISED NOT TO BE TOO HARSH ON MYSELF..

I WANT TO FIND A 'FRIEND'..

I WILL DEFINETILY CHANGE FOR THE BETTER,,

INSYAALLAH..

THANKS TO PUAN RUZMEL FOR YOUR INSPIRING WORDS,,:0

IT IS NEVER LATE TO CHANGE

as the saying goes

"to exist is to change,to change is to mature,to mature is to go on creating oneself endlessly"