Nothing in me except YOU

This feeling.i was unable to describe it.That kind of feeling when u actually felt that God answers ur prayers and He is actually speaking to you..Speak with u in a way that it will directly strike ur heart,leaving those kind of  "kehambaan" feeling there.And upon that moment the tears burst out all the way down the cheek,uncontrollable,running down and pouring as was the heavy rain.He is just too Great and He is truly The Greatest.i felt very weak indeed.very guilty.Pls keep me in the right track my Lord,,,

if it is my fault you tell me

These past two years, i suppose i changed, i realize people were’nt the same and i just stop talking to them and they did the same.they talk to me,I talk to them only when there is a need.its very heart broken indeed but I’m just getting used to it that much that I don’t even have any feeling towards them anymore.i just stop talking to them and stop being talkative just because I’m sick of them.i’m sick of how they actually being so ignorant or am I the one who is too sensitive?u cook and u left the pot there unwashed for like days,weeks and even months.u left the plate,bowl unwashed in the sink,on the table,with the left over food remained on the table.u just did ur own stuff and never bother to sweep the house not even once.okay u did it.but I can barely counts how many times u swept the floor.u rarely wash the toilet.i remembered once only u washed the toilet.the rest is done by mine.i put my effort on washing the verandah and u simply litter it like nothing is wrong.it is okay at first.i don’t mind.but as the time passes by I lost my patience.How can I simply did all the cleaning while u guys just watched from a distance and become nothing more than just an observer.Is it that hard to even lend me a hand?we are living in the same house after all..

I’m sick of this and I’m really sick of it.I just let them be.Fine,let the floor left unswept.Let the bowls,and the pot be there until all the fungi grows on them.But that’s not the reality.I always cook and when they left the pot unwashed there I have no other choice but to wash it cause I’m gonna use it!in the end it is still me who did the cleaning.I left the floor unswept but when it comes to a point I can barely stand still and watched the dirty floor I eventually did the cleaning and mopping.In the end it’s me.I’m just sick of it.What shall I do people out there?tell me something that will soothe me.I don’t want to be a bad person who talk about their friends behind but I guess I just did so.am I  a bad person?i just lost my patience and I just don’t know how to cope with this.I am at my limit.Thats it.

 And now i only talk to the people i see everyday, cause i would’nt want to look so lonely but i am. 
Everyday i go to classes, in the mornings i sit by myself listening to music, i go to my class and if i feel like talking, i talk to my friend that sits beside me and that’s it.After all we are not even that close.
i dont have a friend  which i can talk to about anything anymore.I’m not miss bubbly either, its hard to keep a convo with people because i find them so boring :(.But if that people is very close to me I would be very talkative indeed.How can i make friends? i think its too late now, everyone in class are comfortable with their friends/groups i dont think i could fit in.i know they’re not interested in what I’m saying why should i care about what their talking about.i just feel like everyones fake, i can tell by the way they talk, act.But that’s of course not a good thinking.I should have think good about others although the fact may run opposite.I miss my old school and my old uni where there is friends and they really are what u called as friends indeed.I miss the old time pretty much.I guess I’ve met the wrong person in this phase of life.To be a loner is indeed hurtful but I got no choice.I don’t want to keep hurting myself again n again~~~Ya Allah beri aku kekuatan untuk menghadapi semua ini…..

memories stays forever

When a friend of mine talk about memories i suddenly remember that "memory'.Recalling that memory was the hardest part for me as it  stays forever in my heart and soul.memory stays forever.once it's there,it will always be there.they dont fade.not until death tear u apart.Its like playing back a recorded video that i can clearly and vividly remember every single moment of the storyline.17th July 2012.My house was burned down during a fire.We lost almost everything in a blink of an eye.We were only like 10 months more or less living in that new house of ours.Everything was new in that house.The furniture,the goods,the tile,the flowers were all new and polished.Mom was very happy indeed and of course we are too.Mom had waited for like years and years before we actually moved into that house.We went through a lot of trouble before we moved into the house.it really is trouble.Mainly problem with the authority.But mom was really determined for she had been longing it too long.We fought together with all of the others houses owners and yes we've made it through.For things mom had waited for like a thousand of years,she's happy and glad she finally made it.She wanna be like any other mom out there which possess their own house.She did all the decors and even save her own money for years so that when father bought a house,she can used up her savings to buy the furniture and such.She had herself sewed the curtain and it takes her two years two actually finish it because she is not even that fit for the job.
But then within a few minutes,the whole things were burned down into pieces.not to mention her heart which broke down together with the house.And what did she do?She shed no tears.No tears at all.How could someone be so strong when eveything you had is being torn down into pieces right in front of your eyes?you did nothing but watching it killing u silently inside.For she had as strong faith she shed no tears.Although i knew right deep inside your heart mom,the pain was unbearable.And the pain is even worse when i had to watch the person whom i love the most suffers like hell.The worst part is that mom dont even showed it in front of us.it is a hidden pain.
Our little irfan which is is 6 years old at that time know nothing but the fire which he saw.He cried out loud.Vey loud indeed.And very long.Crying over the loss.He loss his toys,cartoon shirts and books.Thats all for that poor little kid.He is just too young for this.I wish i can erase that memory from his mind so that later on in his life he does'nt even remember the pain.
From that point onwards i promise myself not to let her down.Not again after she had the worst one.I will try my best to excel and cover for the loss.I promise.I believe there is always reason for that 'memory'.I want to believe in YOU MY LORD and i put my trust onto YOU.May ALLAH ease everything.
Bismillahitawakkaltu 'alallah...

Yes,I was not there during the fire but the pain is always there~~~