L.O.N.E.L.Y

being surrounded with wrong people made me feel so lonely indeed :(

H.U.R.T

I was hurt.again n again.i tried no to get myself into it but i always end up hurting myself.But i wont give up.I dont want to.I believe the day will eventually come where a friend will walk into my life and together we walked our path in the journey embarking our life,,

#more prayers,less worries#

Somebody that i used to know

This song really caught me off~~

"Somebody That I Used To Know"
(feat. Kimbra)

[Gotye:]
Now and then I think of when we were together
Like when you said you felt so happy you could die
Told myself that you were right for me
But felt so lonely in your company
But that was love and it's an ache I still remember

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
Like resignation to the end, always the end
So when we found that we could not make sense
Well you said that we would still be friends
But I'll admit that I was glad it was over

But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
No you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know

Now you're just somebody that I used to know
Now you're just somebody that I used to know

[Kimbra:]
Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over
But had me believing it was always something that I'd done
But I don't wanna live that way
Reading into every word you say
You said that you could let it go
And I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know

[Gotye:]
But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
No you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know

[x2]
Somebody
(I used to know)
Somebody
(Now you're just somebody that I used to know)

(I used to know)
(That I used to know)
(I used to know)
Somebody

why do i keep looking back at my past?

simply because it is the only things which matters me the most and i really treasured it as it cherished me all along..
it is too beautiful,,life back then was so beautiful,,i had no regret at all,,


as for the time being pls be strong even when your world is tearing you apart

i 'm not there when they need me the most
i'm not there when my house burned down during a fire
i'm not there when my parents get involved in a car accident
i'm not there during the worst part of our life
i'm sorry for that
but I do really love you mom,dad,,
I love my family with my whole heart~~

Exams,Dengue,Thesis and Me,,

I'm really glad indeed that it is finally over.I just hope that all the hardworks is worthy enough.And pls just let it ends here.I dont wanna be a repeater.Not to any of these subjects and courses I'm taking.You have made me suffered enough for the past few months and suffocate me that i couldn't even breathe freely.Now that it is over I can woke up in the morning and smiling all over.Felt like its been ages since i last felt like this.I dont believe i've actually made it,Trust me this is the worst chapter in my life.Having friends infected with dengue during the exams with some of them were even warded really scares you off,having thought that the same mosquitos which infect ur friends would be lingering in the same house and that they might bite you anytime without you even knowing it,.and suddenly the forest in Indonesia get into a fire which is massive(this is not an accident,the fire is on purpose) that it brings haze to the whole malaysia and made the air even worsen,,thats what it takes me after all before i can actually become a 4th year student.

Now that the exams is over i've been thinking of doing a looott of things which i misssed before.
I'm gonna cook,read novels,and eat good food with my family,I would want to hang out with friends and family n i would wanted to go to a place where i could actually shout out loud and screams to the whole world.Maybe the top of a hill?maybe i would go deep into the forest and shout out loud and let the mother earth itself hears what i says.but it does seems impossible.lol.where on earth in the midst of KL would i find  a forest.So let keep it for future list.

I'm getting excited after i choose the topics for my thesis eventhough i dont have even the slightest clue what my thesis is all about.Psychophysiologic interaction between two highly significantly activated areas (areas A and C in brain) duirng randomised visual stimulation.Basically it is fMRI (functional MRI).And the rest is still in haze.Just like how KL is still shrouded in haze.But it does get better today.And let us all getter better tomorrow.I'm positive.I"m done.:)

My bad~~

I'm a complicated person.complicated in a way that i'm sensitive to the surrounding,the people around me and often afraid of what others might think of me.I'm very particular about small little things that others might not even have a glance over it.Its not that i'm fussy but i believe that every single deed can affect people and how they feel.I do believe that even the smallest bit of sincerity can move people.As long as u are sincere enough everything is just nice be it good or bad things.But i often find myself insincere enough at a time there are things which annoyed me very much indeed but i keep it to myself ,up to a certain level that i;m no longer sincere to that particularly person.In other words,its fake.But of course i tried very much indeed to actually avoid such kind of things from lingering around me.Yes,that's me,,that's the way i am..

Sebuah nasihat untuk diingati~~

Hatimu itu milik Allah. Maka segala kesedihan, kesakitan dan kepiluan yang dirasakan oleh hati, pulangkanlah kepada Allah, kerana sesungguhnya hanya Dialah yang Maha Menyembuhkan segala yang kau rasa itu.

Pulangkan kembali hatimu kepada Dia, pasti tidak akan engkau kecewa dan terluka lagi.

Erti hidup pada memberi. Selagi masih bernyawa, jadilah insan yang bermanfaat, yang mampu menyumbang meskipun sedikit.

Wahai Pemilik segala kekuatan, kurniakanlah kekuatan agar dapat melangsaikan segala amanah yang ditaklifkan. Berikanlah keupayaan untuk melayani dan memberi perhatian serta memenuhi hak yang sewajarnya terhadap setiap perkara yang mendatang.

Terimalah amal-amal kami ini, meski sedikit dan penuh dengan cacat dan celanya. Rabbi yassir wala tua'ssir

Biar sesakit mana hati dilukai,
Biar sebenci mana kebencian diberikan,
Biar sekuat mana tuduhan dilemparkan,
Biar sebanyak mana kata-kata dusta diberikan.

~ Hati ini tetap tegar berkata niatku adalah kerana Allah semata-mata dalam memberikan tiap-tiap satu perkerjaanku dan matlamatku adalah untuk syurga bersama mereka ~


~♥♥..Tiba-tiba, aku berasa TAKUT jika hidupku ini hanya dipenuhi dengan sia-sia..aku takut jika MATI nanti dalam PENYESALAN, kerana akal fikiran asyik mengatakan bahawa mati itu lama lagi dan kita hanya memikirkan diri kita yang masih muda dan sihat..walhal Allah jika ingin MENGAMBIL, bila-bila masa sahaja dari sekarang..♥♥~

✿~ Mengapa kita MENCINTAI dunia lebih dari akhirat?
✿~ Mengapa kita mencintai manusia lebih dari Allah?
✿~ Mengapa kita asyik memikirkan PENGORBANAN kekasih hati dan kawan-kawan, tetapi tidak berfikir langsung tetang PENDERITAAN Rasulullah yang berkorban demi umatnya hingga ke akhir hayat beliau?

>>> Ya Allah, sesungguhnya aku MENZALIMI diriku sendiri..:(



~~copypaste~~

Lesson of the day

         It is my second clinical in one of the hospital in KL at the radiotherapy department.and there is this one patient which kind of attract me and moved me as well.He was coughing badly for about 3 to 4 weeks.By the time he came to se the doctor,he was diagnosed with lung cancer and he came for the treatment.Patient is indeed very concern about his disease.He kept asking this and that to the radiographer nonstop.I would say that he was really like a serious one of all the patient.He is very anxious and yet he keep it up and give his very best of all.It was during his 2^nd fraction that he was complaining he is having a bloody cough,which he had never had before.He looks very healthy indeed despite the palliative treatment(treatment for end stage disease aiming to prolong the life span and not for cure) he is receiving.The patient himself told us that he jogs more than twice per week and he is practising healthy life style yet the disease still choose him.His mother had a colonic cancer after all.He asked the radiographer on whether he got the disease as her mother had it too,is it inheritance?.But then the radiographer told him that colon cancer is not an inheritable disease so it is just a coincidence.Besides,he used to be a social smoker less that 10 years ago and had stopped since then.He even asked the radiographer on his chances of survival.But as a radiographer we couldnt have said much.It is inappropriate if we were to tell the patient even if we knew.So the radiographer just told him briefly and asked him to consult the doctor.But of course he looks very worried indeed.He tried his best to fight the disease.The radiographer told him to practise a proper diet throughout the treatment and he needs to drink a lot of plain water.He is very truthful,obeying every single orders fron the health practisioner, that he even bring his mineral bottle every single day(when there is no other patient doing it at all) during the treatment and he asked on how much does exactly he need to drink.is it this much?or that much?of course he don’t have to force himself.Just drink it slowly and take it easy.Thats what the radiographer told him.During the earlier treatment he was indeed very anxious that the doctor had again to consult him for the second time.He is also indeed the first and the earliest patient to enter the hospital every single morning.Seing him fighting for his life I wonder why do we give up our life so easily?There is just too many people outhere fighting for the sake of their life when we people take life for granted and most of all take our health for granted.Yes of course it is true that cancer can just affect anyone regardless of your gender,age,health status,and such.Being you young or old cancer knows no borders and limits.They can just affect anyone.Even the newborn.So the point is that don’t take life for granted,spend time fruitfully and make ur life meaningful and do take care of your health.Most of all,as a muslim,live ur life for the sake of Allah,so that even if u have to die anytime u will have no regret.

*this is gonna become my case study..:)

Nothing in me except YOU

This feeling.i was unable to describe it.That kind of feeling when u actually felt that God answers ur prayers and He is actually speaking to you..Speak with u in a way that it will directly strike ur heart,leaving those kind of  "kehambaan" feeling there.And upon that moment the tears burst out all the way down the cheek,uncontrollable,running down and pouring as was the heavy rain.He is just too Great and He is truly The Greatest.i felt very weak indeed.very guilty.Pls keep me in the right track my Lord,,,

if it is my fault you tell me

These past two years, i suppose i changed, i realize people were’nt the same and i just stop talking to them and they did the same.they talk to me,I talk to them only when there is a need.its very heart broken indeed but I’m just getting used to it that much that I don’t even have any feeling towards them anymore.i just stop talking to them and stop being talkative just because I’m sick of them.i’m sick of how they actually being so ignorant or am I the one who is too sensitive?u cook and u left the pot there unwashed for like days,weeks and even months.u left the plate,bowl unwashed in the sink,on the table,with the left over food remained on the table.u just did ur own stuff and never bother to sweep the house not even once.okay u did it.but I can barely counts how many times u swept the floor.u rarely wash the toilet.i remembered once only u washed the toilet.the rest is done by mine.i put my effort on washing the verandah and u simply litter it like nothing is wrong.it is okay at first.i don’t mind.but as the time passes by I lost my patience.How can I simply did all the cleaning while u guys just watched from a distance and become nothing more than just an observer.Is it that hard to even lend me a hand?we are living in the same house after all..

I’m sick of this and I’m really sick of it.I just let them be.Fine,let the floor left unswept.Let the bowls,and the pot be there until all the fungi grows on them.But that’s not the reality.I always cook and when they left the pot unwashed there I have no other choice but to wash it cause I’m gonna use it!in the end it is still me who did the cleaning.I left the floor unswept but when it comes to a point I can barely stand still and watched the dirty floor I eventually did the cleaning and mopping.In the end it’s me.I’m just sick of it.What shall I do people out there?tell me something that will soothe me.I don’t want to be a bad person who talk about their friends behind but I guess I just did so.am I  a bad person?i just lost my patience and I just don’t know how to cope with this.I am at my limit.Thats it.

 And now i only talk to the people i see everyday, cause i would’nt want to look so lonely but i am. 
Everyday i go to classes, in the mornings i sit by myself listening to music, i go to my class and if i feel like talking, i talk to my friend that sits beside me and that’s it.After all we are not even that close.
i dont have a friend  which i can talk to about anything anymore.I’m not miss bubbly either, its hard to keep a convo with people because i find them so boring :(.But if that people is very close to me I would be very talkative indeed.How can i make friends? i think its too late now, everyone in class are comfortable with their friends/groups i dont think i could fit in.i know they’re not interested in what I’m saying why should i care about what their talking about.i just feel like everyones fake, i can tell by the way they talk, act.But that’s of course not a good thinking.I should have think good about others although the fact may run opposite.I miss my old school and my old uni where there is friends and they really are what u called as friends indeed.I miss the old time pretty much.I guess I’ve met the wrong person in this phase of life.To be a loner is indeed hurtful but I got no choice.I don’t want to keep hurting myself again n again~~~Ya Allah beri aku kekuatan untuk menghadapi semua ini…..

memories stays forever

When a friend of mine talk about memories i suddenly remember that "memory'.Recalling that memory was the hardest part for me as it  stays forever in my heart and soul.memory stays forever.once it's there,it will always be there.they dont fade.not until death tear u apart.Its like playing back a recorded video that i can clearly and vividly remember every single moment of the storyline.17th July 2012.My house was burned down during a fire.We lost almost everything in a blink of an eye.We were only like 10 months more or less living in that new house of ours.Everything was new in that house.The furniture,the goods,the tile,the flowers were all new and polished.Mom was very happy indeed and of course we are too.Mom had waited for like years and years before we actually moved into that house.We went through a lot of trouble before we moved into the house.it really is trouble.Mainly problem with the authority.But mom was really determined for she had been longing it too long.We fought together with all of the others houses owners and yes we've made it through.For things mom had waited for like a thousand of years,she's happy and glad she finally made it.She wanna be like any other mom out there which possess their own house.She did all the decors and even save her own money for years so that when father bought a house,she can used up her savings to buy the furniture and such.She had herself sewed the curtain and it takes her two years two actually finish it because she is not even that fit for the job.
But then within a few minutes,the whole things were burned down into pieces.not to mention her heart which broke down together with the house.And what did she do?She shed no tears.No tears at all.How could someone be so strong when eveything you had is being torn down into pieces right in front of your eyes?you did nothing but watching it killing u silently inside.For she had as strong faith she shed no tears.Although i knew right deep inside your heart mom,the pain was unbearable.And the pain is even worse when i had to watch the person whom i love the most suffers like hell.The worst part is that mom dont even showed it in front of us.it is a hidden pain.
Our little irfan which is is 6 years old at that time know nothing but the fire which he saw.He cried out loud.Vey loud indeed.And very long.Crying over the loss.He loss his toys,cartoon shirts and books.Thats all for that poor little kid.He is just too young for this.I wish i can erase that memory from his mind so that later on in his life he does'nt even remember the pain.
From that point onwards i promise myself not to let her down.Not again after she had the worst one.I will try my best to excel and cover for the loss.I promise.I believe there is always reason for that 'memory'.I want to believe in YOU MY LORD and i put my trust onto YOU.May ALLAH ease everything.
Bismillahitawakkaltu 'alallah...

Yes,I was not there during the fire but the pain is always there~~~